1.19.2009

An honest look at motherhood

One thing that I do not like about my blog, and many other motherhood blogs, is that we all rant and rave about how wonderful motherhood is. About how beautiful and brilliant our children are. About how we've planned the most delicious dinner menu for our husbands and toddlers. (okay, I've never made that claim because I'm just not that talented). But, you get the point...most of my blog posts show fun pictures of my children and my family, and talk about the cute things that my kids do, and such.

But

There is a very different side to motherhood. The side that is hard. The side that is HARD!

So, let's get honest.

Here goes...motherhood sucks the life out of me. Harsh? Yep. Honest? Yes.

Lately a big bunch of my time is me trying my hardest to survive motherhood. My toddler makes requests every .3 seconds. She is ALWAYS telling me she "wants" or "she "needs." It goes like this: I need orange juice. I need my pink pants. I want to go to the park. I don't want to go to the park. I want to go to the big park. I don't like the big park, I need the small park. I don't want orange juice, I want apple juice. I'm afraid of my pink pants, I need my tights.

That type of conversation takes about 15 seconds--there are 86,400 seconds in a day. If you do the math it ends up being about 5760 15 second conversations about what Abby "needs" or "wants." Mind numbing thought, isn't it?

Another BIG area of motherhood that sucks the life out of me is the giant lack of personal space and time. My Abby is a mama's girl. She requires a whole lot of me to make her happy. She needs to sit on my lap. She needs to play with my hair. She needs to be the closest to me in all situations. She needs to own me. Logan is still nursing. he loves to nurse. He refuses milk. I'm not sure how to wing him. So, he needs my body, in a different way. All of it is tiring. It is down right exhausting! I makes me angry sometimes. I just want to sit on the couch without the big dash for mommy's lap. Can't I just sit down sometimes without a child pulling at my leg, playing with my hair, whining in my ear, screaming for my attention. I just want to own my attention. Just sometimes. Like for 20 minutes. Every other day.

Another hard part of motherhood is that I do not own the way I spend my time. Gone are the days of sleeping in, going to a hair appointment, going jogging, watching a movie, spontaneity of any kind, lazy nights with my husband, and running multiple errands--nope, usually three errands are the max. After three stops my kids are either hungry, tired, need a new diaper, or are tired of being dragged around. So, I plan my days accordingly. Around morning naps, afternoon naps, breakfast, lunch, snacks, juice box and diaper inventories, moods and requests of my children.

A few other hard parts...

Noggin--I'm so sick of it I could spit---but it is an evil necessity.
Potty training
Colds
Flu
Lack of sleep
a toddler who refuses to eat.
Teething.

I could continue....but I do not want this post to sound like I'm bashing motherhood. I just thought a honest post about the battles of motherhood was in order.

Why?

Because I'm struggling this weekend. I'm tired. Abby has her first flu. I feel bad for her. I'm trying to comfort her, but she's a tough patient. I haven't slept in two nights.

John had a dentist appointment earlier this evening. I was actually jealous of him. When he left, I was at the dinner table with two screaming kids. Even the dentist seemed like a more relaxing option.

Harsh? Yep. Honest? Yes.

Now, don't get me wrong....I could rattle off 168 wonderful things that my kids are doing right this second.

But.

That is another post. For another time.

As I close this post...I have a crying Abby on my shoulder...she "needs" me, she needs my lap, my hair, my body, my mind, my soul!!!! And I just pulled an acorn out of Logan's mouth.

Duty calls...

3 comments:

Ellie said...

Shauna - your honesty is appreciated, thank you for sharing your woes of motherhood. I hope that this week is off to a better start, and that your little Abby is recovering from the flu. I enjoy your writing.
Ellie (Megan's sister in law)

Karen said...

Hey friend. You are a great mom. I'm sorry it's been so hard. Sick kids and lack of sleep are never a good combination. Let me know if you need anything(medical advice, an extra set of hands, dinner, anything...) Hang in there!

Laureen said...

I love your honesty. Being a Mom is a love hate relationship and add in guilt and expectations it's very tiring. There's nothing better in life but nothing more difficult.
Been there and now enjoy my 2 beautiful daughters that are my greatest joy and accomplishments but there was times of total surrender to the battles. Day's of thinking "why do we have kids"? Then the next second I love being a Mom more than anything else in the world. This is the world of Mom's and we all understand.
You are an wonderful loving fun Mom and Abby and Logan are so blessed!
Blah Blah Blah but hang in there kids are the treasures of this world.
Love you heart and soul, Mom

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