This week at church we studied "the terrible and wonderful day of the Lord." The day when we all must stand in front of God and receive a record of our life.
What was good. What was bad. How I used my talents. How I did not use my talents. What I invested my time and money in. And the list goes on.
I totally understand why they call it a "terrible" and "wonderful" day. On one hand every single deed that I've done, good or bad, will be judged. = terrible On the other hand, when I look up my judge will be God = wonderful. It is my prayer that He will know my face and that I will know his.
Here are the verses that accompanied our study. Pretty heavy, eh? But such a good reminder.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6
For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil. Ecclesiastes 12:14
Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private room shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. Luke 12:2-3
I used to think that kids were not really that expensive. When they were babies the main expense was diapers. For both Logan and Abby I received hand-me-down clothes for their first two/three years.
Now Logan is nearly three and Abby is four and I have no more hand-me-downs. This means a few trips to Kohl's to get winter clothes, new shoes, big boy/girl undies, socks, tights, PJ's, etc. $$$$$$$$$
Abby has moved out of the picky-toddler-eating phase, and right into the she-is-hungry-all-day-and-eats-a-bunch-of-food-whenever-possible phase. $$$$$$$$
I was thinking about my grocery expenses while doing 750 dishes tonight. I thought I'd break it down....just to see....
Today Abby and Logan ate:
one banana .20
two apples .50
2 cups of peanut butter pretzels 1.00
8 cups of juice (bad, I know!) 1.50
four pieces of wheat bread 1.00
3tb of peanut butter .75
1 tb of honey .50
one piece of chicken 1.50
two bean burritos 2.25
one small french fry 1.50
3 cups of strawberries 2.50
one pudding .60
one applesauce .50
1/2 cup of shredded cheese .75
three diapers (still working on potty training Logan) .75
That's approximately $16 per day, which is about $480 per month. Sheesh...that doesn't even count special treats, Abby's chocolate milk, and the food John and I eat. My grocery bill is steadily growing....
I am in a women's bible study at my church. We are doing an inductive study through the book of Genesis. It is really good so far. A whole lot happened in Genesis and we're only on chapter 13! I learned something really cool last week as we were reading genealogy in chapter five. Here is the list of Hebrew names within the genealogy and their English meaning:
Hebrew name and it's Englishmeaning Adam-man Seth -Appointed Enosh-Mortal Kenan-Sorrow Mahalalel-The Blessed God Jared-Shall come down Enoch-Teaching Methusela-his death shall bring Lamech-The despairing Noah-Rest, or comfort.
The cool part is the meaning of the names is The Gospel hidden within a genealogy in Genesis! check it out: Man is appointed mortal sorrow; but the Blessed God shall come down teaching that His death shall bring the despairing rest.
I suffered from severe anxiety and panic attacks that seem to come from out of the blue. It was very scary and I was, at times, sick with an unexplainable fear that plagued my thoughts and my heart. It was hard. It was crummy.
On our vacation in July we went to Sedona, AZ. There was summer storms everyday. Oh how I prayed for a rainbow. I wanted to know that God could hear me, so I asked him to show me a rainbow before we left. Each day I looked in the sky, hoping to see one. As we drove away from our hotel the last day, my eyes searched the sky. It was my last chance to see a rainbow. I was desperate to know that God heard me. I never saw a rainbow.
I persevered through my summer. I struggle through fear and honestly wondered if I had lost total control of my world. It was hard. It took everything I had to believe that God would be faithful to me, even though I could not feel him or hear him. He seemed to be silent. I did not know why.
I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach, unexplainable fear in my mind, and desperate prayers on my lips. I read scripture. I wrote scripture on 3x5 cards and taped them to my cupboards. I called my mom a lot. My received much prayer from many loving people in my life. My husband carried my load and held my hand. I shed many tears. I read more scriptures. I wrote down gut wrenching prayers in my journal. I begged God to reveal himself to me. I pleaded with Him to pour our his powerful spirit on my life. I did not feel much of anything, at first.
Months passed. Prayers continued. Continual conversation between me and my Heavenly Father. Night and day I talked to Him. I shared all of my fears with Him. I filled my home with worship music. Honest conversations with close friends and family. Humbled to the core.
Then something started to happen. When I prayed, I felt better. When I prayed, I felt better. When I prayed, I felt better. WOW. It really works. God is really working. He is big. He is my comfort. He is my fortress. He is my shelter. He is my hiding place. And you know what I learned. He hears me. He may not answer immediately. He may not comfort immediately. He may not give me a rainbow in Arizona. But, he gave me faith. He taught me how to believe, even when I could not feel my prayers being answered. He taught me that the darkness of fear and depression are not too big for him. He made himself real to my life. My weakness was a good thing. It was a great thing. My utter weakness showed me his unmeasurable strength. My fear ushered in His love. My anxiety made way for a real relationship.
I would not change my summer, as hard as it was. It made my relationship with God real. And you know what. He brought a big ol' rainbow right to my doorstep tonight. He'll be faithful, even when we have to wait a bit to see our prayers answered.
We moved Logan into a big boy bed this week. I also moved Abby's bed into Logan's room because they wanted to share a room. I thought it was a great idea. Now they each entertain each other until they fall asleep, and they seem to sleep in later! Yes! The only problem is nap time. Logan just plays in his new bed, but he does not sleep. Yesterday I found him like this at 5pm!! Way to late for a nap, but he just couldn't stay awake! I love that there is peanut butter smeared on his cheek. I guess his peanut butter sandwich hit the spot and make him sleepy!
While Logan cat napped Abby and I made peach crisp from all the fresh peaches from our tree. Yum.
I woke Logan up and came back to the kitchen to finish making the desert, then when I returned to the front room I found him like this. That little stinker wouldn't stay awake!