9.30.2010

This was a hard summer.
I suffered from severe anxiety and panic attacks that seem to come from out of the blue.
It was very scary and I was, at times,
sick with an unexplainable fear that plagued my thoughts and my heart.
It was hard.
It was crummy.

On our vacation in July we went to Sedona, AZ.
There was summer storms everyday.
Oh how I prayed for a rainbow.
I wanted to know that God could hear me,
so I asked him to show me a rainbow before we left.
Each day I looked in the sky, hoping to see one.
As we drove away from our hotel the last day, my eyes searched the sky.
It was my last chance to see a rainbow.
I was desperate to know that God heard me.
I never saw a rainbow.

I persevered through my summer.
I struggle through fear and honestly wondered if I had lost total control of my world.
It was hard.
It took everything I had to believe that God would be faithful to me,
even though I could not feel him or hear him.
He seemed to be silent.
I did not know why.

I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach,
unexplainable fear in my mind,
and desperate prayers on my lips.
I read scripture.
I wrote scripture on 3x5 cards and taped them to my cupboards.
I called my mom a lot.
My received much prayer from many loving people in my life.
My husband carried my load and held my hand.
I shed many tears.
I read more scriptures.
I wrote down gut wrenching prayers in my journal.
I begged God to reveal himself to me.
I pleaded with Him to pour our his powerful spirit on my life.
I did not feel much of anything,
at first.

Months passed.
Prayers continued.
Continual conversation between me and my Heavenly Father.
Night and day I talked to Him.
I shared all of my fears with Him.
I filled my home with worship music.
Honest conversations with close friends and family.
Humbled to the core.

Then something started to happen.
When I prayed, I felt better.
When I prayed, I felt better.
When I prayed, I felt better.
WOW.
It really works.
God is really working.
He is big.
He is my comfort.
He is my fortress.
He is my shelter.
He is my hiding place.
And you know what I learned.
He hears me.
He may not answer immediately.
He may not comfort immediately.
He may not give me a rainbow in Arizona.
But, he gave me faith.
He taught me how to believe, even when I could not feel my prayers being answered.
He taught me that the darkness of fear and depression are not too big for him.
He made himself real to my life.
My weakness was a good thing.
It was a great thing.
My utter weakness showed me his unmeasurable strength.
My fear ushered in His love.
My anxiety made way for a real relationship.

I would not change my summer, as hard as it was.
It made my relationship with God real.
And you know what.
He brought a big ol' rainbow right to my doorstep tonight.
He'll be faithful, even when we have to wait a bit to see our prayers answered.


9.28.2010

I've just been enjoying the last part of summer.
It has been peaceful.
I am grateful.

John did not find this princess picture funny.(but isn't Logan pretty?)
Mud is a good thing!

Abby got her face painted at a family day festival. she has never been brave enough to do that, so I was very surprised when she begged for one. She was so sad when she had to take a bath.
Swimming with my new nephew Liam.The girls pretending to be Veggie Tale characters. Silly gals!
Logan has learned to sleep in his big boy bed. He sleeps upside down, with covers thrown everywhere, and toys surrounding his body. But, hey, he's sleeping. :)
Abby, Liam, and Logan. cousins.
Me and my gal having fun together.

9.02.2010

We moved Logan into a big boy bed this week. I also moved Abby's bed into Logan's room because they wanted to share a room. I thought it was a great idea. Now they each entertain each other until they fall asleep, and they seem to sleep in later! Yes! The only problem is nap time. Logan just plays in his new bed, but he does not sleep. Yesterday I found him like this at 5pm!! Way to late for a nap, but he just couldn't stay awake! I love that there is peanut butter smeared on his cheek. I guess his peanut butter sandwich hit the spot and make him sleepy!

While Logan cat napped Abby and I made peach crisp from all the fresh peaches from our tree.
Yum.

I woke Logan up and came back to the kitchen to finish making the desert, then when I returned to the front room I found him like this. That little stinker wouldn't stay awake!