1.30.2011

Meet Jenifer.
She is five.
She lives in Guatemala.
She is in kindergarten.
She loves swimming, singing and playing jacks.
She has two siblings.
Her parents work as laborers.
Meet Abigail.
She is nearly five.
She is almost in kindergarten.
She has a brother.
She loves swimming, the beach, and art.


This week Abigail sat with me as we looked at the computer screen.
I explained that many children do not have food, clothes, or toys.
I tried to tell Abigail how blessed she is.
I tried to explain that we should always be willing to give.
To care.
To help.
So, after looking at many children's profiles, Abigail selected Jenifer to help. to care. to give.
She is excited to write her letters and send her pictures.
I am excited to watch my girl learn about caring for others.

We sponsored Jenifer through Compassion International.

Read this, or this, or this, or this, to learn more about Guatemala's Compassion kids.
Heart breaking.

Compassion =
A deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

1.26.2011


Happy 3rd birthday son.
I know it has been a bummer of a birthday so far.
The only gifts you have received are germs,
a trip to urgent care,
antibiotics
and a diagnosis of pneumonia and pink eye.

Don't you worry.
We'll have your party soon enough.

(isn't that picture above so sad...that was taken yesterday on his birthday...with a really high fever)

A year of Logan...
beginning in Dec. 2010 and ending with Jan. 2010














I love you Gogan.


1.24.2011

Sometime it leaves me for weeks.
No sign of it.
Could that be the end of it?
Could I be liberated from it?
Or will it return?
Will it always be with me?

There are no answers to these questions.

And then one day
The feeling creeps in.
I hate it.
The feeling is....
suffocating,
terrifying,
sickening,
tiring,
lonely.

Anxiety.

Fear.

It is a peculiar thing.
Sneaking in for no apparent reason.
Sometimes just an undercurrent.
Other times a wrecking ball.

But, unlike my summer, I have more wisdom.
More trust.
More comfort from my comforter.

My mind is comforted by the greatness of God.
He is so big.
So powerful.
So wise.
So faithful.
So tender.

My only hope is Him.
My trust lies only in His promises.
I have to believe that He will not forsake me.
That He will not give me over to my fears, to the terrors of this world.
This trusting,
this believing,
it is a choice.
It is something that I practice.
It is not necessarily a feeling.
In fact, usually my feeling is fear, but the words on my lips are prayers.
I build my faith by hearing God's word.
So I talk out loud.
I say verses out loud.
I ask the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort me.

I am doing much better, but this anxiety thing is still with me.
I ask for it to be removed.
I trust that I could be taken from me, if God chooses.
But, if not, I must believe that God allowed this in my life and that He will use it for His glory.
And what a privileged to suffer in order to bring glory to my Redeemer.
Because, as the song says,
"I will cling to the old rugged cross,
and exchange it one day for a crown."

1.15.2011

There are some mornings, as a mother, that are smooth sailing.
I'm happy, the kids are happy, and the sun is shinning.
I had one of those morning this week.
Abby painted my nails.
Green nail polish
Glitter nail polish
Pink nail polish
Purple nail polish
Hot pink nail polish
all on my nails.
beautiful.
Logan, Abby and I played the princess game.
To win you must be the first princess to get your necklace, crown, earrings, rings, and bracelet.
Very complicated stuff.
Abby won all four games.
She's a princess game shark.
We painted.
We played.
We had fun together.




Then there are mornings like today.
The kids were yelling "mama!" from their beds at 5am.
What??
It is still dark outside!!
Go back to bed NOW!
"I want chocolate milk" Abby says
"I want music"
"I want juice"
AGGG!
GO TO SLEEP
I return to bed.
I lay there.
I'm irritated.
I cannot go back to sleep.
Minutes tick by.
I hear the Tangled soundtrack blaring from Abby's room.
Oh.she.will.make.a.fine.teenager.
Logan is saying, "mommy" over and over
and over.
I am angry.
I want to sleep.
It is hopeless.
Then pitter patter little feet enter my room.
"I want to watch a movie."
FINE!!!
I get up.
I put on Nemo.
I turn around.
There's my son, with poop all over himself.
I investigate the situation.
Wipes will not do this job.
To the bath he goes.
He is angry.
He wants Nemo, not a bath.
I am angry.
I want sleep, not a poop covered Logan.
I clean the boy.
Give him new clothes.
A clean diapers.
I walk by his room.
There it is.
A poop covered bed.
Poop on Buzz Lightyear
on pillows
on sheets
on Star War toys
On stuffed animals.
Oh.lovely.
Now it is 7:30.
Hot laundry is a-going
Clean boy is a-playing
Sassy Abby is a-coloring
Mommy is a-drinking ...coffee... not the hard stuff.

1.11.2011







I love pushing my kids on the swings at the park.
They scream in delight.
They giggle the entire time.
They want to go higher and faster.
pure joy.

1.04.2011

Happy 2011.
This year I want to be intentional about discovering
God's goodness and blessings in my everyday life.
Feel free to follow along on my journey.

I have claimed this verse for my 2011:

PSALM 65:11

You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.


Here is the Psalm 65 in it's entirety:

1 What mighty praise, O God,
belongs to you in Zion.
We will fulfill our vows to you,
2 for you answer our prayers.
All of us must come to you.
3 Though we are overwhelmed by our sins,
you forgive them all.
4 What joy for those you choose to bring near,
those who live in your holy courts.
What festivities await us
inside your holy Temple.

5 You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds,
O God our savior.
You are the hope of everyone on earth,
even those who sail on distant seas.
6 You formed the mountains by your power
and armed yourself with mighty strength.
7 You quieted the raging oceans
with their pounding waves
and silenced the shouting of the nations.
8 Those who live at the ends of the earth
stand in awe of your wonders.
From where the sun rises to where it sets,
you inspire shouts of joy.

9 You take care of the earth and water it,
making it rich and fertile.
The river of God has plenty of water;
it provides a bountiful harvest of grain,
for you have ordered it so.
10 You drench the plowed ground with rain,
melting the clods and leveling the ridges.
You soften the earth with showers
and bless its abundant crops.
11 You crown the year with a bountiful harvest;
even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness become a lush pasture,
and the hillsides blossom with joy.
13 The meadows are clothed with flocks of sheep,
and the valleys are carpeted with grain.
They all shout and sing for joy!

My prayer this year is that God will continue to reveal himself to my weak and fearful heart.
My prayer is that God will continue to write His story through my life.
My prayer is that I will trust in His sovereignty, so that no matter what hardship I face in my life I will have the ability (through the power of the Lord's spirit) to "stand firm" and know in my heart that God will get me through every valley that is a part of my journey.

So, let's begin.....

Today's blessing:
Taking my kids out on their new scooters. We went to the basketball court down the street and they rode their scooters, looked for pine cones, ran down the hill, and looked at the snowy mountains.
Abby came over to me and sat down in my lap. She laid her head on my knee and told me that she would love me forever and that even when she is 15 she will be my girl and live with me and daddy. She also told me that when she has a baby it would be okay if me, daddy and logan came to the hospital.
Glad to get that cleared up.
what a girl I have.