8.24.2012

What I did this summer...


Abby was in "big kid" summer camp this summer.
She has had a packed summer...

Mondays: Chapel, Crafts, Swimming and Movies
Tuesdays: Field trips to Chuckie Cheese, John's Incredible Pizza, Skate Express, Bowling, Laser Island
Wednesdays: Chapel, Crafts, Swimming and Movies
Thursdays: BIG field trip days.  Here is a sampling: Soak City, Knotts Berry Farm, Disneyland, CA Adventure, Beach, LA Zoo, Universial Studies, Raging Waters.
Friday: Game Show, Swimming, Games, Movie


Truth be told, I was dreading summer.
Summer Camp was more than this mama was prepared to handle.
I cried when Abby went on the Kindergarten fieldtrip to the Pumkin Patch--I was certianly not ready for this type of schedule!

I arranged strategic play dates for Thursdays.
I arranged strategic work schedules for Thursdays.
I made 5 copies of the Summer Camp calendar so that I could plan, arrage, fanagle, and write notes.
Why?

I am just not ready for my girl to be so independent.
I do not trust it.
I do not trust the world.
I do not trust strangers,
or day camp workers (even though they are awesome),
or amusement parks,
or bus rides,
CA freeways,
traffic,
and on
and on.

My thoughts were like this:
"what if molesters are waiting in the bathroom when she is in there?"
"what if she gets on a scary ride and doesn't speak up and then she is terrified and traumitized?"
"what if the bus crashes?"
                                                   "what if she gets lost at Disneyland?"
                      "what if she gets knocked down by the waves at the beach and then carried out to sea?"
"what if her friends are mean?"
"what if she cannot order herself lunch?"
                                            "what if she drowns at Raging Waters?"
                             "what if she fell out of the boat on Pirates of the Caribbean?"

Are you tired yet?
Yep. Me to. But welcome to my brain.

So, I only allowed Abby two "big" field trip day--LA Zoo and IMAX Science Museum.

Is she deprived. Certianly not.
However, this summer was a crash course in learning to let go.
I am stummbling my way through this concept.
How do I let go of my heart?
How do I just let my heart and my life board a bus for Disneyland at age six?

Baby steps.
Two big trips and all of the little ones.
I am proud that me and my mama's heart made it through.
There were many times this summer where I stood (out of sight) at my co-workers window and watched my girl board the bus to Chuckie Cheese or the zoo and I wept.

John says that my fear cannot hold her back.
I know he is right.
but-I have to do this one baby step at a time.

Today was the last day of summer camp.
I went to the cafeteria to watch the summer camp movie/slid show that they put together.
I walked in the back out of sight from Abby.
She was sitting on the ground with her BFF and other friends.
They laughed, and sang songs, and clapped and had a great time.
We watched clips and saw a ton of pictures of these last two and a half months.
I realized that Abby is just fine without me.
She is having fun.
She is singing with her friends.
Dancing
Hand clapping
laughing

And the day camp workers are pouring lavish love out to each of these kids.
They braid their hair
Take their picture
Teach them songs
They are, in fact, awesome.

A few days ago Abby asked me if I would please let her go to the "big" trips next summer.
She said, "mom, I want to go on the biggest roller coaster and scream loud."

And I want this for her.
To be brave and scream into the sky.
I am letting my girl go.
in small baby steps.


1 comment:

Laureen said...

Love your heart!! You are a great Mom!! Abby is blessed and Motherhood is the best and so difficult to let go of our little girls. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Love Mom

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